Sunday, December 11, 2011

How can I make it more interesting and how does it sound? Should I add or remove anything?

Far, far too much plot dumping in a short space. We don't need to know how much money has been involved in every incident, we don't need to know the lawyer's name, we don't even need to know exactly what happened. I recommend you delete paragraphs 3, 4 and 5 completely and think about how you can get the information that matters over to your reader more gradually later on in the story - if it's even necessary at all. Often all that's needed is that you the author know what happened in the past and make your story and characters consistent with it.

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